my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
