she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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