i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
