I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
