I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
