Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
