Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
