Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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