Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
As shirtless as possible
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
