I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
