i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
