So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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