And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
