i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
pray to the hookup gods
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
