How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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