i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
