Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
