My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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