@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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