We're like a lot better than the average bears
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
