her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
