I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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