Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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