I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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