ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
