no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
