the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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