At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
