i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
