I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
