Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
is it fun? or sober?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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