dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
