i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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