I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
