I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
