Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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