I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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