just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
