Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
