There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
