I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
