So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize