I smell stomach acid.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
