Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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