Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
