If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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