Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
