oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
