we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
