I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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