Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
