Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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