Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
