Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
