Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
