I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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