This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
