I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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