I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
