p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
