GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
