you guys were way drunker than both of me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize