my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
