Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
