Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
