I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
