That's intense
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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