my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize