You can't special order awesome
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
