I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
